Wednesday, December 31, 2003

EPISODE SEVENTEEN: Another day, another glory.

More, more and, even more random things I did today:

1. Went past an abandoned theme park (I also did this yesterday but I forgot to mention it)
2. Are, uh, tofu...uh...I can't translate it to English. I ate stuff. That's the one. >.>
3. Went to see the Taipei International Young Power Drum and Dance Festival 2004 (or some other similarly complex and overwhelming name). There were three performances today. First was the Taipei drum group (I forgot their official name) - it rawked, what with a lion dance and all as well. Gotta love the AZN rhythm. Then there was the Japanese Taiko stuff, and that was awesome too, with 20 minutes of non-stop rythmic orgasms. Then, there was the Koreans. They took ages to set up but they were pretty unique. A la stomp, they used lead pipes and rubbish bins quite well too (maybe it's in the upbringing, who knows...) Yeah, it kicked ass.

I'm going to some place called Hua Lien in Taiwan the day after tomorrow, so no internet for about four days. Not that any of you care. It's reputed to have quite nice scenery so I'm bringing my camera and stuff along.

That's all for now. It's like, 12.43. That's like, late.

Tuesday, December 30, 2003

EPISODE SIXTEEN: The New Adventures of New Taiwan.

Random things I did today in no particular order:

1. Went to some random mountains around Taipei.
2. Saw a goldfish farm. Took photos. Zoom lens not good enough so didn't get it as nice as I wanted.
3. Saw a Geothermal area. Mmm, just like New Zealand, smelling like crap and all.
4. Ate teppanyaki in Beitou, which I had been to before - the owner of the teppanyaki surprisingly enough goes to Kuching quite often. Made for good eatering conversationalism.
5. Went to a Night Market. Bought random necklaces. Discovered my Lord of the Rings cheapass replica's gold paint had faded. Now it looks silver. Maybe it's the air here. People here should tune their cars, the exhaust fumes are dirty as.
6. Bought two games for my sister. Looked for a really cheap as laptop. If you sit on a scooter for too long your butt really hurts, just like being raped by a guy I suppose (although it might not be too different with a woman, depending on what kind of woman you're talking about...)
7. Ate stuff.
8. Took photos of random things. Visited National parks all over the place.
9. Drivers here are really rude. So are some people who drive scooters. Instead of a nice "can you please move", people are too lazy to exercise their mouth muscles (I suppose they get tired, what with all the cock-sucking) and instead press the anti-user friendly horn once too often.

Also I thought of a nice band name. Anti-flaccid. I should run that by Brad, Tomo and John. Maybe they'll like it.

I'm tired. I don't remember what else I did today. I did too much. It's like, a doing marathon.

Monday, December 29, 2003

EPISODE FIFTEEN: 'Tis a busy place.

Apart from not having very good night's sleep (I don't handle noise at night well) but that's okay. Anyway today I did the following things, in no particular order:

1. Looked for Peach Beer. Couldn't find it. I did find Vodka Cruisers instead ($60 a pop) but decided against it.
2. Went to play badminton with my mum's brother's son (is that my cousin?) and his friends at NTU, National Taiwan University.
3. Went to Chang Kai Shek memorial park or summat. Damn it's a huge place. They had a military march exercise thingy going on as well, you know, with the military music and the random soldiers in uniform twirling rifles, a la FF7 if you still don't know what I'm talking about.
4.Wow, this keyboard is dirty. My fingers are black now. Damn.
5. Yes. That's it.
6. The last three probably don't really count as events per se.

Anyway I'm tired. But it's only 7.48...The sun sets at like 5.00 here, which is phenomenonally crazy for me. Still, I do like the night.

That's all. Bye bye.

Saturday, December 27, 2003


Well, uh, I do have net access. 10mbpsADSL! YAY! Pity its on a refurbished laptop. Thats okay, better than nothing. Taiwan roxxors I dont believe I'm here (well I do but it doesn't seem like I'm here...anyway)

Good news: I'm in Taiwan.
Bad news: I lost my wallet at the Kuala Lumpur airport.

The China Airline people are most likely working overtime turning over every chair the airport lookin for my blue and orange ripcurl wallet. It answers to the name of "Bobo".

Alright. That's it. I have to unpack stuff. Bye bye.

Friday, December 26, 2003

EPISODE FOURTEEN: Some say Mongrel. I say, uh...



Hmm. Anyway, I should be packing and shit, but I'm typing this. How silly of me. A few notes before I leave:

1. I'm going to Taiwan.
2. I'm going to Taiwan.
3. I went to this real awesome Christmas party yesterday.
4. There was free alcohol.
5. I had a vodka lime and some crazy tropical Malibu stuff.
6. The guy who mixed it was half French half Asian. Now that's cool.
7. I wish I was half French half Asian. How cool would that be?
8. That guy had a brother. He was quite agro.
9. Their parents owned the home.
10. I should really be packing.
11. Vodka lime is strong.
12. I think my dad drove me home drunk that night. o_O
13. I watched Return of the King. ITS A GOOD MOVIE!
14. I wonder what Return of the Kong would be like...
15. I got a cheapass Ring imitation for $10. Maybe I can sell it for profit.


Friday, December 12, 2003

EPISODE THIRTEEN: Grave of the Fireflies.

Well, I got here safely. I have just finished watching what has got to be one of the most moving and powerful pieces of anime I have seen...ever. (Albiet the pirated version I watched had some really crappy problems, must find a DVD of said Anime in question one day). The Anime? Grave of the Fireflies. It's so depressing...if you think your life is crap, you should see what Seita and his four year old sister went through. One of the very few animes that actually moved me enough to well move me.

I'm depressed now. I admire the strength of Seita and the story is superbly written.

Also I finished The Amber Spyglass. That was a great book too. Man, so much emotion. Just thought I'd head up somethin before I go to sleep. Grave of the Fireflies. Go look for it is better than Saving Private Ryan, that's for sure.

Thursday, December 11, 2003

EPISODE TWELVE: Airport, eh.

My mum went into some travel lounge thingy and managed to convince them to let me in even though I wasn't a member. They were going to charge her $25 dollars as well, the kniving biatchurz, for what was nothing more than a really old crap computer (which is a hunk of crap compared to this one which I am using downstairs, for free...) So I left.

What else...oh yeah, I went and ate at Genki Sushi. It's so cool, they have like sushi on something that seems akin to a miniature baggage claim know, the ones that go round and round - all you do is you pick the food you want and at the end they charge you all for it. It was good but expensive, cutting a nice dent into my $100 which I have to spend.

Before I left Auckland Airport (which is the airport I was in before this airport, Changi Airport, which is in Singapore), I went and bought the third book of Philip Pullman's "His Dark Materials" trilogy just so that I could read something while waiting and stuff I suppose. I finished the other book I brought with me anyway, it was quite a random book.

Hmm what else...these seats are comfy. I am listening to really strange muzak, such as "On The Wings of Love" and some crapped up version of "Fur Elise". And I am very tired.

Hmm. Moral for today is the CIAS Airport Lounge here in Changi Airport blows. Don't go there. Why not play on the free SeXBOX instead?

Sunday, December 07, 2003

EPISODE ELEVEN: Baileys and milk do not mix.

I woke up. I was really bored. I thought, "HMM my brother made me some awesome drink with Baileys before". I decided to try it, mixin half baileys half milk together and drinkin it. Observations are as follows:

1. Milk is less dense than Baileys.

2. Lots of stirring will do nothing to mix the milk and baileys - it just globs up.

3. It tastes funny. Like milk, only alcoholic.

4. It clears your nose and warms you up.

5. I feel kinda funny now.

I suspect that milk and Baileys might be reacting within me as we speak and that some strange new undiscovered chemical is about to send me over the top and into the world of crazies where I have been known to visit occasionally. I did eat baked beans after that which made me feel much better. Food is a strange thing.

I am going overseas in, about, four days? I dont know I'm not good with numbers. That will be the extreme crapness of all crap since I am away from my normal computer (NOOOO) away from all my music (NOOOOO) and all my friends (meh.) I wouldn't mind if it was for a week or two, cause then I could snip up all these illegalities and pirated goods - but for a month, that's just a waste of time. At least I get to see Mr. Shiny Red Pearl drum-kit again - but I don't have a band to practise with! Shit happens I suppose.

Moral of the story kids: beware the potato.

EDIT: I have since gotten lots more logs of people in my ass. But they are, seriously, very disturbing. One log which will rename anonymous contained animal cruelty and sharp objects.

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

EPISODE TEN: I have trapped two people in my ass already.

With the lovely promise of sexual favours, five potatoes and a sliced pineapple...I have done the impossible. TWICE! Take a look!

Case Study Number 1

My false alias being Hot_gay_guy.

Session Start: Tue Dec 02 02:43:38 2003
Session Ident: greg
Session Ident: greg (~user@34CF14CC.84648B99.25071CA0.IP)
greg: hi are you a gay?
Hot_gay_guy: hi, yes
Hot_gay_guy: you?
greg: yeah... asl pls?
Hot_gay_guy: 18/m/England
Hot_gay_guy: got pictures? im really horny tonight
greg: well im 18, male, mexico...
greg: you have some pics?
Hot_gay_guy: no, sorry
Hot_gay_guy: you got any?
Hot_gay_guy: my cock is throbbing for some action
Hot_gay_guy: Can you please shove a potato up my ass?
* Hot_gay_guy passes greg a hot spud
greg: sory non?
Hot_gay_guy: um, you know what a potato is?
Hot_gay_guy: vegetable? you eat?
greg: yeah?
Hot_gay_guy: i would really like it if you could push one up into my asshole
Hot_gay_guy: please
Hot_gay_guy: hello baby are you there?
greg: what if lets take a scripted kind of sex... do you want it
Hot_gay_guy: i would really like if you can please insert potato into my anus
greg: okey here we go baby...
greg: now here it is
greg: uuuhhhmmm...
greg: so how does it feel baby?
Hot_gay_guy: Ooooh
Hot_gay_guy: thats good
Hot_gay_guy: oooh put it all the way in
greg: yeah uuuhhhnnnnmmm...
Hot_gay_guy: please last guy i was with he managed to fit five, can you fit more
greg: sure...
* Hot_gay_guy pass to you another potato
greg: uuuhhhmmm...
greg: uuuhhhmmm...
Hot_gay_guy: oooooh thats one all the way it
Hot_gay_guy: oooh thats good
Hot_gay_guy: please next one
Hot_gay_guy: quick I horny sex want tnow
greg: uuuhhhmmm...
greg: uuuhhhmmm...
Hot_gay_guy: oooooh
Hot_gay_guy: tell me what it looks like!
greg: great
Hot_gay_guy: explain muchas detail please
greg: now i want you to suck my dick baby
Hot_gay_guy: and then i give you good sucking
greg: its like a big kind of hole
greg: and i love it
Hot_gay_guy: okay
Hot_gay_guy: Now put the third potato in
Hot_gay_guy: describe detail a lot please tell me what happening as you push push
greg: yeah ooohhhh...
Hot_gay_guy: describe NOW
greg: the potato is getting inserted now
greg: and it blows your ass
greg: fully
Hot_gay_guy: OOOH
greg: got a big hole?
greg: yah
Hot_gay_guy: Yes its being split byt the spud
greg: ooohhhmmmm...
Hot_gay_guy: you have three more potatoes left
Hot_gay_guy: put them all the SAME TIME!
greg: ok lets enough for this... your asshole is now over loaded...
greg: why dont you suck my dick now?
Hot_gay_guy: Describe my asshole at the moment
Hot_gay_guy: what does it look lke
Hot_gay_guy: hello?
greg: a great island
Hot_gay_guy: describe the island
greg: i dont know
Hot_gay_guy: if you dont know then you'll have to put this pinapple slice sideways up my behind
Hot_gay_guy: after than then i will suck your dick
* Hot_gay_guy passes greg a pineapple slice
Hot_gay_guy: come on stick it up there with the rest of the potatoes
Hot_gay_guy: I will give you very hot sex i promise
Hot_gay_guy: just please for me just i want the feel of the spiky pinaple and the creamy potato in my ass
Hot_gay_guy: and then you can eat it
greg: why dont you start, giving fuck with me my cock is so very hard now
Hot_gay_guy: tell you what
Hot_gay_guy: you shove that pineapple slice up my ass and ill suck your cock
Hot_gay_guy: and while i suck your cock you eat the pineapple and potato salad.
greg: ok no thanks,...
Hot_gay_guy: please
Hot_gay_guy: I am very good oral sex give
greg: no thanks
* Hot_gay_guy slowly runs his hands over greg's cock
Hot_gay_guy: DO IT
greg: thats my honey...
Hot_gay_guy: ok now that im suckig your cock please shove that pineapple slice up my ass
greg: sureeeee...
greg: here we go...
greg: now i am shoving it... just like a big cock running off
greg: hhhmmmm...
Hot_gay_guy: oh thats good
greg: yeah now suck it
Hot_gay_guy: okay, you have to eat the pineapple and potato salad
greg: now i am eating it... uuhhhmmm... diliciuos
greg: hhhmmmm...
Hot_gay_guy: ooooh
Hot_gay_guy: My asshole is eating your face now.
Hot_gay_guy: You can't control it
Hot_gay_guy: My ass has just eaten your entire head.
greg: hhhmmmm...
greg: hhhmmmm...
greg: hhhmmmm...
Hot_gay_guy: You cannot talk
Hot_gay_guy: you can only eat the salad.
Hot_gay_guy: you are stuck in my ass with five potatoes and pineapple slices for ever
greg: hhhmmmm...
greg: hhhmmmm...
greg: hhhmmmm...
greg: shittttttt.....
Hot_gay_guy: You can't get out.
Hot_gay_guy: You are stuck forever
Hot_gay_guy: but at least i feed you
Hot_gay_guy: do you want some shit
greg: fuck you
Hot_gay_guy: Oh
Hot_gay_guy: sorry
Hot_gay_guy: I cant hear you
Hot_gay_guy: youre trapped in my ass
Hot_gay_guy: youll have to eat your way out through the starchy goodness
Hot_gay_guy: I'm going to go now. You think twice before you put potatoes up someones ass, mr mexican!
Session Close: Tue Dec 02 03:25:03 2003

Case study number 2 (the better one in my opinion)

My alias being SexyGurl69.

Session Start: Tue Dec 02 04:12:24 2003
Session Ident: sexyman23
Session Ident: sexyman23 (
sexyman23: hey want to chat
SexyGurl69: only if you'll shove potatoes up my ass
* sexyman23 grabs a ptoato
SexyGurl69: oooh yeah
SexyGurl69: go baby im waiting
* SexyGurl69 bends over
* sexyman23 starts shoving it in
SexyGurl69: Oooooh
SexyGurl69: Put it all the way in
* sexyman23 puts it asll in
SexyGurl69: I want you to fit five potatoes up there like the last guy i was with!
sexyman23: mmmmmm ok
* sexyman23 grabs potato 2, and shoves that in
SexyGurl69: OoOOOH
sexyman23: yeah baby, this is getting me hard
* sexyman23 grabs potato 3
SexyGurl69: OOOOOH
sexyman23: can't believe its all going in
SexyGurl69: are the potatoes green?! I love green potatoes!
sexyman23: they are
SexyGurl69: OOOOH
SexyGurl69: fit them all in! OOOOH
* SexyGurl69 moans in pleasure
SexyGurl69: you can do it, just like my 4 year old son!
* sexyman23 strokes his cock while doing this
sexyman23: here comes potato 4
SexyGurl69: OOOOOH
SexyGurl69: fit it all in!
sexyman23: its all in baby
SexyGurl69: And don't forget after the five potatoes the sliced pineapple!
* SexyGurl69 loves Sexyman's hard cock
sexyman23: number 5
SexyGurl69: Ooooh
SexyGurl69: Theres still plenty of room baby
sexyman23: how bout sucking my cock baby
SexyGurl69: Alright, keep the potatoes and sliced pineapple coming!
* sexyman23 shoves now the pineapple
* SexyGurl69 sensually sucks sexyman's cock
SexyGurl69: OOOh i can feel the ridges of the pineapple
SexyGurl69: OOOH
SexyGurl69: Oh baby thats good
sexyman23: mmmmmm yeash
SexyGurl69: can you please eat the potato and pineapple salad in my ass?
* SexyGurl69 ocntinues to suck his cock
sexyman23: ohhhhhhhh
SexyGurl69: eat the salad! oooooh
* sexyman23 goes to ur ass and starts eating it
SexyGurl69: OOOOH
sexyman23: mmmmmmmm delicious
SexyGurl69: oooh
sexyman23: that was good
SexyGurl69: All of a sudden, Sexygurl's huge ass envelopes Sexyman's face. He is stuck!
sexyman23: oh god
SexyGurl69: I have forced your head into my ass and trapped you there.
SexyGurl69: You cannot escape and you are stuck in my ass forever.
sexyman23: damn eh
SexyGurl69: Nobody can hear you - you must now eat your way out through the starchy goodness
sexyman23: lol
SexyGurl69: are you going to eat you way out through my all encompassing huge booty?
* sexyman23 starts eating
SexyGurl69: Oooh
SexyGurl69: are you getting fat as you eat this?
sexyman23: yeah
SexyGurl69: oooh how fat
sexyman23: pretty fat
sexyman23: lot of stuff in ur ass
SexyGurl69: Oooh
SexyGurl69: My ass is getting bigger as we speak. You're running out of air! youll have to breathe my farts.
sexyman23: LOL
* SexyGurl69 rips a fat one
sexyman23: this too much for me
SexyGurl69: sorry baby
SexyGurl69: you cant escape my ass
sexyman23: oh well
SexyGurl69: bye baby
Session Close: Tue Dec 02 04:29:42 2003

Moral of the story kids - don't put potatoes up someone's ass, they might just eat you. Stupidity attacks both gay and straight people.


Don't forget to tell me what screen name you would like your recording to be attributed to! Thanks!

I forgot, one more thing - join the "Blak Omen Is My Bitch" project! All you have to do is record yourself saying either "Blak Omen is my Bitch" or " I am blak omen's bitch" and send it to me via email ( or talk to me on MSN and send it there (

Every file counts! When I get enough, I'll start up a website with all the files on it for your listening pleasure.

Sorry about the loss of the names. Silly blogger picks them up as tags or something and deleted them. Hope you can still kind of read them.
EPISODE NINE: Horny and stupid is NOT a good combination.

Alright, me and my ANZ buddies being really bored just then went onto SexNet, a sex IRC server and posed as girls. The people there are so incredibly easy to fool. I learned many things there today, posing as SexyGurl69.

1. People actually dont mind if I get wet over potatoes.

potatoes, i want someone to shove a big potato into my pussy
Will you please shove that spud all the way up into my pussy, and then cover it in white creamy sauce?
sure baby

hi sexy girl
i hon
are you looking for a partner sweety?
yeah baby
do you have a potato on you?
i want to feel a huge potato in my pussy
yes wanna see?
accept it honey
what is it hon
my pic
i am sending it to you
okay hon
do you have your pic sweety?
no sorry hon
send me your pic
can you describe me yourself baby? what do you look like?
deep blue eyes
shaved legs
d cup
a fat ass
mmm great
what do you wear now?
a toupee
do you like my cobra?
very much baby
its so sexy
what do you want to do with him sweety?
i want SEX
i am in my room now completely nude rubbing my cock
oooh thats good
do you have a potato on you?
* SexyGurl69 loooves potatoes
i want to just...uuhhh,,,feel that potato in my pussy
mmmm baby i want to fill you
oooh yes
sorry hon
potatoes drive me crazy
oh no
sorry hon i gotta go, im late for a meeting
bye babe
see you here tomorrow hon?
see you
send e-mail when you want me ok
sure hon
waiting for your e-mail sweety

[Feel free to email that guy lots of potatoes]

2. Some people never get turned off.

want to fuck?
No, cause i'm very old
my pussy is shrivelled up and you suck at sex anywya

3. Some people are incredibly stupid.

male sweety
n u
i cater for all
u female or male?
u a she male?
yes hon

4. I can pass off as being a Japanese girl called Candy.

wassup sexygurl?
my boyfriends boner
but he doesnt know
that his is only 3"
and i dont like it
lol too bad babe, you at his house?
yeah, hes gone to sleep
where ya from?
you and your bf japanese?
no, my boyfriend is from america
damn...too bad you didn't pick a bigger cock :( what do you look like?
18, female - blonde hair, deep blue eyes, shaved legs, d cup
im about to dump my boyfriend, he's really bad with sex
mmm nice big fuckable tits ;)
you got a pic of you?
no sorry hon
need to get some of those great tits! ;)
you can feel them if you want
I want to lay my long cock between them and fuck the head into your mouth ;)
oooh that sounds good
when you last get some real dick hon?
when i was 12
how old are ya now?
how big a cock you get fucked by back then
heh who's was that?
it was my brother's best friend
he was so sexy
fucked you good huh ;)
i was screaming all the way through
do you have a potato? im really horny
he fuck you up the ass too?
i was bleeding
and loving it
are you horny? im horny, can you please shove a potato up my pussy?
you up for a hot nasty slutty phonefuck?
only if you shove a potato up my pussy
lol sure ;) why yo ulike that?
cause its so warm and soft
my cock would feel better ;)
you bf get mad if you phoenfucked someone?
how about you shove a potato up my pussy and then your cock into my pussy?
no, my boyfriend sleeps liek a rock. hes right here beside me, and snoring so he wont hear my moaning
how loud are ya?
what's your #?
full number I gotta call, I'm in the usa.
oh okay
im not sure what the country code is but
ill be right back hon ill check
my mobile is 0401453264, i still have to find the number for here
so I'd just dial the country code adn that 040 number adn I'd get you huh :)
ill look up the country for you hon hold on
* Darkniss holds onto your big tits, squeezing and pinching them
do you know what the country code for australia is, baby?
+61 hon
call me
yea...what country are you in babe?
australia - my number is +61 04 01453264
ok ;) what's your name sexy
mmm you a hot big titted japanese slut Candy?
yes baby
calling now
what'cha doing now baby?
waiting for your call hon
call me
im really horny
good girl ;) calling now
cum on call me baby im waiting
im so horny, i want phone sex honey
didn't work first time trying again
okay hon
oh hon it rang once!
try again
are you ringing baby?
trying hon
it keeps cutting off hon
wait a bit, it takes a bit of time to connect to my phone
* SexyGurl69 slowly fingers her pussy in anticipation
ok hang on
* SexyGurl69 puts one finger up her pussy, withdraws and licks it slowly
whats wrong honey, why aren't you calling me? i want phone sex, my boyfriend is not good enough
got it baby
calling now ;)
lol poor bastard ;)
call and ask for candy, hon
lol who picked up baby?
it was my boyfriend
i tried to keep him away
lol why's he picking up your mobile?
he's gone back to sleep again
it was next to him on the dresser hon
ok pick it up and walk out of the room.
im outside baby
call me
go into the living room with it.
ok hon
im there, im waiting for your call
lol right if you're there why are you typing to me ;)
my laptop is portable, you didnt think i had a computer in my bed did you hon ;)
call me, im horny now
ok callin in a second.
thanks hon

Believe it or not, that guy actually did call the number. The number belonged to someone I knew online.

To sum up, tonight I learned that there are always stupid horny people somewhere in the world.