EPISODE SIX: Why chain letters should be burned and fucking ripped to virtual pieces and given to fat ladies in Ethiopia to roll around in.
Alright. First off you all know that me, I'm a poor guy. Ergo - I have a Hotmail account, as it's FREE!!! and also Microsoft owns my whole family so I have to use Microsoft products or else.
Right. Well I've had it for at least five years now. And I have a bad habit of not deleting old emails. So I have 40 pages of emails, 40 of those pages I do not need. My hotmail account nicely tells me that I "am almost out of space!" and recommends I delete some stuff. Of course, naturally, me being me the lazy fuck, I leave them there. I might need them one day, says the voice of "reason".
So, along come fucking chain letters. Since the newer ones nicely involve fucking 100kb pictures which is enough to overload my account (i mean, why the fuck can't they compress the shit down to like 1 kb anyway?), I lose access to my account and nobody can email me in until I delete the sodding thing.
There are many types of chain letters.
EXHIBIT A: The lovey cutesy picture chain letters.
This chain letter involves disgusting pictures of fat babies, cats that look like they're about to be eaten by a monkey and generally very sickening grotesque images. Not only do I not give a shit how "cute" they are but these are prime candidates to piss me off as:
1. They are useless.
2. They fucking take up like 1000294 kb in my account, 1000294 more than I need taken up.
3. They are useless.
4. Nobody gives a shit how cute they are.
So don't send me one of these or I'll eat your children, and your children's children.
EXHIBIT B: The VIRUS WARNING! OH SHIZZLE!
OMG IF YOU SEE A TEDDYBEAR IN A POTHOLE DON'T OPEN IT! IT COULD POTENTIALLY BE A VIRUS! OR IT COULD POTENTIALLY BE A HUGE DICK ABOUT TO ASSRAPE YOU!
I hate them, usually because they're never true. It's the ones that cry wolf that let the other ones down.
EXHIBIT C: The "official" ones.
WARNING IF YOU DO NOT SEND THIS EMAIL TO 1238957093128570918 people, we will delete the account because we can.
Yeah right, first of all, Mr...uh....Walter Patrick is NOT Resource manager for Hotmail. He won't delete my account and nobody else will. I mean, could you get any more desperate to want to send a stupid email all over the virtual world? You might as well just send one to everybody saying "LOOK HERE! I'm a STUPID ASSHAT!"
EXHIBIT D: LEARN MORE ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS!
These usually ask you 100 questions, some which aren't questions (for example, the word Bra is NOT a question), some of which are questions but are stupid ones (example - Have you ever loved a rabid monkey shizzle before?). In an attempt to send their stupid questionnaire, they flood your inbox. Half of the questions you don't need to know the answers to, and the other half you should know the answers to if you were their friend.
In my opinion (which is generally the absolute truth), the only worth Chain letters are the chain letters which hassle chain letters. Of course there will come a day that I will add them to the list of FUCKING ANNOYING THINGS but for now they're amusing. The good ones though. I've been prone to make one or two and sending that to the creator of a chain letter.
Anyway that's my rant on chain letters. Long weekend! Yeah! Photography assignment over the long weekend! Not so yeah!
Okay I'm lazy now that's all I have to say. Goodnight.