Tuesday, March 02, 2004

See, unlike other Blogs and internet little diary little record of thingsy things, I don't have to apologize for not updating because nobody reads this shit anyway.

Well, at least I hope not. I don't think anyone does. But in the rare eventuality there is one greasecovered nerd eating a sandwich through his pimply face reading the wondrous exploits of, well, me, I'm going to look into setting up one of those fancy flash-as comment/shoutout boards, which will probably end up with insightful remarks like "cool" and "okay" and "suck".

Anyway. What happened today, let's see..

I suspect one of my friends has brain damage.

You see, it's funny that the worst drugs aren't the illegal ones but the legal ones. Think of alcohol. Think of how many people do very very stupid (funny, but very very stupid) things while totally tanked. Think of how many people lose their livers. Think of how many who need to spend another $25 for a new pair of jeans. You get the point. But...what if it wasn't just something material (like a liver)? What if something much more crucial was impaired and stabbed and left bleeding to die?

This said friend of mine has the following symptoms which I, even though it's my brother who's in med school not me, think are very fine symptoms of fucking your brain up.

1. The attention span of a doorknob. In other words, ask him a question, he'll look like he's thinking of an answer, but then comment on something completely different. For example when I saw him when the bell went for hometime today:

Me: "Good luck for tennis."

(pause)

Him: "Man, my hole has a pencil case."

2. The intelligence of a baby. Only a baby would willingly screw up their pencil case (or a retard, but the IQs are roughly the same). I watched him mutilate his pencil case today in Physics, completely ignoring the fact that we actually had an obligation to work as hardout smart A level students which actually didn't feel like failing like last year. Instead of doing much needed practice on circular motion and simple harmonic motion, he chose to destroy his perfectly functional pencil case, nylon layer by nylon layer. At the end of the period when he had destroyed the four outer layers of it and made a huge hole in the only remaining layer, I nicely pointed out to him he had just destroyed his pencil case. He looked a bit shocked after I told him that.

3. The retard smile. You know those people who you know are tripping out? They like...stare kinda a bit past you, and keep smiling like they're being given head by some invisible assailant? Yeah. That was him today. For example (in the same physics class)

Me: "Hey, is it period versus the square root of l?"

(pause)

Him: "What?" (With a big cheesy grin)

He then proceeded to twink a penis onto my hand by means of impression. The lil' bastard.

I think he's successfully scared me off alcohol now. I would almost vow to never get drunk, but where's the fun in that...I swear, a funnel and 10 beers every weekend can't be good for any 17 year old. I suppose I should be happy he isn't smoking and he's keeping the liver damage to himself like a good boy. (At least he's dying happily)

If you are reading this O dear brain-damaged friend (which I don't know how you would be, seeing that I never give out this address...which could also be why nobody ever reads this) - HELLO! Yeah, that was the end of that anecdote.

I have physics homework to do. Which really should have been done yesterday but I digress.

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