Stolen from Kuura. Har har.


The Laws of Anime

By no means all-inclusive and sometimes not even remotely instructive, the following is an enumerated list of semi-empirical islands in an ocean of conjecture. It is my hope that you find them worth a good chuckle. Have Fun and enjoy. McCracken________________________________________

#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity
The laws of physics do not always apply. They can change at random and with out warning.

#2 - Law of Differentiated Gravitation
Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.
First Corollary If the airborne entity exceeds an altitude equal or greater than three times the height of the entity, gravity is decreased by an inverse coefficient relative to the upward momentum and mass/weight

#3 - Law of Non-Atmospheric Sonic Amplification
In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

#4 - Law of Constant Thrust
In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility
The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

#6 - Law of Temporal Variability
Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

#7 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis
Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

#8 - Law of Inherent Combustibility
Everything explodes. Everything.

-First Corollary
Anything that explodes bulges first.

-Second Corollary
Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

#9 - Law of Energetic Emission
There is always an energy build up before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility.

#10 - Law of Neo-Tokyo Omni Destruction
If Tokyo is ever destroyed it will be rebuilt and destroyed again.

#11 - Law of Photostatic Emission
Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

#12 - Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude
The destructive potential of any object/organism is inversely proportional to its size.

-First Corollary -
Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also known as the “A-Ko Phenomenon.”

#13 - Law of Munitions Inexhaustibility
No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is, of course, unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

#14 - Law of Inverse Accuracy
The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Storm trooper Effect)

#15 – Law of Protagonistic Wound Reception
Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvers.

#16 – Law of Overwhelming Antagonistic Formations
Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.

#17 - Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability
Minmei is a bimbo.

#18 - Law of Hemoglobin Capacity
The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, at roughly 450psi.

#19 - Law of Antagonistic Militant Unreliability
Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.

#20- Law of Tactical Unreliability
Tactical geniuses rarely display actions that merit their position

#21 - Law of Inconsequential Undetectability
People never notice the little things.... Like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

#22 - Law of Juvenile Intellectuality
Children are smarter than adults.

#23 - Law of Antagonistic American-thropomorphism
The really nasty 'Bad Guys' are always skinny Americans.

#24 - Law of Americanthropomorphistic Intellectual Inferiority
The stupid 'Good Guys' are always big Americans.

-First Corollary
The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect)

-Second Corollary
The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.

#25 - Law of Mandible Proportionality
The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking.

#26 - Law of Feline Mutation
Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably be female, possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation, and wear as little clothing as possible, if any.

#27 - Law of Conservation of Firepower
Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single use will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.

#28 - Law of Technological User-Benevolence
The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

#29 - Law of Melee Luminescence
Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

#30 - Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism
All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

#31 - Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability
Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.

#32 - Law of Follicle Electrostatic Placement
Hair attracts electricity in abundance, resulting in two outcomes. A positive charge begets the spikes-flying-everywhere-behind-me look. A negative charge begets the hair-cascading-down-to-the-waist-in-a-single-sheet look.

-First Corollary
The hair of a male hero will always coalesce into thick strands that drape his face in a dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the elements, etc.

#33 - Law of Atmospheric Chromic Diversity
The Sky can be any color of the viewable spectrum.

#34 - Law of Topological Aerodynamics
*ANY* shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.

#35 - Law of Probable Attire
Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow.

-First Corollary
All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.

-Second Corollary
Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.

-Third Corollary
No sort of clothing, whether it be a leather body suit or full body armor will in no way encumber its wearer.

#36 - Law of Quintuple Agglutination
Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good Guys" group together, it will be in groups of five. The five basic positions are, which are the Hero/leader, His Girlfriend, His Rival/Best Friend, a hulking Brute, and the Kid/Genius

#37 - Law of Extra Dimensional Capacitance
All anime characters have an extra dimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.

-First Corollary
The most common item stored, for females, is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

#38 - Law of Minimum Corneal Volume:
Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of the face's total surface area. More so if the case is a blonde woman.

#39 - Law of Hydrostatic Emission
Eyes contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head.

#40 - Law of Venerable Comedic Interpose
Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald, wise, dirty old man.

#41 - Law of Active Female Attraction
A male character's attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active he peruses them.

#42 – Law of the Hidden Persona
Any person who wishes his/her identity to remain secret will invariably succeed regardless of, or lack there-of, actual Disguise

-First Corollary
The difficulty of recognizing the individual is inversely proportional to the complexity of the disguise

#43 - The Law of Inverse Training Time
A person who has been training for 30 years is never as good as someone who has been training for 1 month.

#44 - Law of the Rushing Background Effect
Whenever something dramatic occurs, a survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulus that is not directly and immediately important to the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless blur. Due to the increase in brain activity and adrenaline levels in the blood stream, the scene is played out in slow motion.

#45 - The Law of Instant Recuperative Measures
Whenever a character is injured in a non-lethal way, from a non-lethal combatant Band-Aids will always instantly appear on the wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a cross fashion) these bandages will then disappear by the characters next screenshot.

#46 - Law of Universal Edge Defense
Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against by holding a suitably cool-looking sword or other bladed weapon between the attacker and defender so that the edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing the halves to go flying harmlessly past the defender.

#47 - Law of Celestial Lighting Factor
At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him to cause a dramatic silhouette.

#48 – Law of The Next Season
No Matter how many times you have saved the planet/universe, there will always be another villain to replace the one you just defeated

#49 - The Law of Necromantic Power Increase
The hero will invariably not have the power to defeat the enemy in the first battle and thus will succumb to defeat or death. From this defeat the hero will receive insight and an exponential increase in power that will make him far stronger than the enemy. (This is known as the Sayian Affect). The Power increase will invariably be surpassed by the next opponent

#50 - The Law of Courteous Manifestation of Energy
Any character can spend an entire episode charging their energy for an attack and have no adverse action be taken by their opponent.

#51 - The Law of Ki Blasts
The time it takes a character to learn an attack is inversely proportional to its power

-First Corollary
The size of a blast is directly proportional to the time it takes to perform it.

-Second Corollary
The first time a character performs a “Ki” attack it can take several Minuets to gather the proper energy, but ever subsequent time it can released instantly

#52 - The Law of Dramatic Stare-Downs
Anytime the hero is entering a major fight with the villain, they will stare at each other for at least two episodes.

#53 - The Law of Exponential Damage Attraction Increase
Big bulky guys are exponentially more likely to be harmed for the sake of the girl or for the sake of the greater cause than anyone else

#54 - Law of Non-Repercussive Damage
Any damage dealt by a fighter-type character will not adversely affect him or his equipment (i.e., the character in question will be able to cut through stone or steel without damaging his sword, be able to punch through solid walls without injuring his knuckles, wrist or arm, and be able to administer several head-butts in quick succession with no ill effects, the latter of which being known as the "Kibagami Jubei Effect").

#55 - The Law of Universal Linguistics
No matter where anyone is they always speak the same language as the native people.

#56 – Law of Syllabic Destructiveness
The More syllables in the name of the attack is directly proportional to how impressive the attack looks and how much damage it causes

-First Corollary
Any Attack over 10 syllables will normally be unstoppable/undefeatable or guaranteed to hit/kill.

#57 – Law of Ultimate Attacks
Any attack that is specified as “The Ultimate Attack” can not be overcome by any means, no matter how obvious the weak points. If anyone discerns the weak point, a suitable “second stage” is then produced making the attack even better.

#58 – Law of The Universal Greeting
“Bah weep granah weep ninni bong”. It works every time.

Information and artistic inspiration for these laws was borrowed, some in full context, from these locations:

http://www.abcb.com/laws/
http://www.tapanime.com/fun/animelaws.html